the main players today

The Krab Katich – batted like he has all year, took the facebook kid nice byrce to get him out. Was in control for most of the day, but is out now, and cannot hurt us for a day or two.

Phabulous Phil – seems to have lost all touch at the moment. Lucky he had the Krab free flowing at the other end, because he was stuck in a hole, hole, holeee, and it was deep, deep, deeeeep. Siddle eventually ended his innings.

Once in a generation Clarke - looked bubbly, fresh, alive, in control and went out on tea just when his team really needed him. Perhaps he thought he was still playing for Australia where that sort of behaviour is tolerated.

Their brad – was a little flighty early on, but then he took complete control, and although he never looked like taking the game away from victoria he did look like he was gonna make it uglier. Then he went out in the last over of the day.

Brett Lee – spent all day ducking and weaving, getting hit, slashing to the boundary before Dirty dirk bowled a ripper.

Dirty Dirk – was brutal early on, pretty good with the reverse swing, and then looked tired and flat with the second new ball. But still angered one through the crease to end Lee’s day and set up Victoria for tomorrow.

Peter Siddle - is about 20 has had more shoulder operations than a centre half forward, but somehow he just picks up wickets like other people pick up socks. Another 4 today, and I’ve seen him bowl a lot better as well.

The facebook kid Nice Bryce – not his best day, but he dines on Krab tonight.

Angry man Harwood – bowled some good spells, but is still the bet when it reverse swings.

The Big bear – Captained well, no matter what the fox sports team said, and bowled pretty well. Also seemed to have a new cap on.

Our Brad – dropped catches, miss fields, falling over and generally making me laugh.

operation cotton wool

I’m willing to admit that the Victorian selectors know more than I do about who should be selected.

Even Ray Bright.

I am willing to admit that, but I still must say that when one is trying to win a home final and all but ensure a Sheffield pura Shield cup victory, one must take its best bowlers.

According to media scuttlebutt (always wanted to use that word), Dirty Dirk Nannes and Gerard Denton are fit.

Yet, they are not playing Western Australia.

I understand this is some sort of operation cotton wool, keep the boys fit for the final.

But if they final is played in Sydney, reanimating the corpses of Ponsford & Miller may not help against a test strength NSWales.

In Melbourne I think we can win, even against Lee, Clarke, Clark, Jacques and Bracken.

In Sydney, not so much.

Today’s fast bowling line up is still pretty strong, Harwood, the Mule Wise and Lucky McKay.

It’s not a bad line up, but Dirty Dirk and Denton stroll into that line up, and Dirty Dirk likes the Waca.

Just a little odd is all.

Oh and I don’t really think the selectors are cleverer than me.

Victoria takes on the IPL

According to economists the market is the true indicator of life itself.

I think most economists are massive wankers, but since this theory suits my theory I am willing to use it.

According to the IPL auction David Hussey and Cameron White are worth more than Michael Hussey and Ricky Ponting.

Don’t give me any of that that’s because they might not be available for the whole tournament, cause neither will Brett Lee, and he still got a big bag of cash.

So the Market forces have spoken, Future PM comes in for his Brother King Probot, and Cam comes in as skipper ahead of Michael Clarke.

Simon Katich should continue to be ignored.

Ok perhaps this is a bit extreme, except the Krab Katrich bit.

But it does show the Victoria do have cricketers (and coaches) who are in demand, not in Australia, but internationally.

Even the ICL gave Ian Harvey a new mansion.

Offcourse not all Victorians were given cash, Brad Hodge was overlooked altogether.

Bradley will be picked up soon, because Loots Bosman and Ramesh Powar are playing but what about other Victorians.

Dirty Dirk Nannes – best 2020 domestic bowler, plus would be a great bollywood villain, starting price 800,00. But will need time off for snow boarding.

Andrew McDonald – Capable with either instrument, one of the most talented all rounders in the world. Also great marketing opportunity for McDonalds in India. 650,000.

Aiden Blizzard – ADD afflicted opening batsmen that has hit balls out of the Waca and radelaide oval. Headlines are easy to write. 575,000.

Bryce McGain – Blue Rinse leg spinner of unmeasurable talent. Probably the greatest leg spinner of all time, wait I’ll check, yup, best I can remember. IT specialist as well, they will come in handy in India. 525,000.

Adam Crosthwaite – improvising batsmen, and talented keeper. If not selected for his playing ability should get the nod for his commentary. 450,000.

Shane Harwood - if the IPL turns into the wrestling showcase it wants to be, who better than Harwood as the fast bowler who hates everyone, assuming he stays fit. 425,000.

Ken Piesse – with this many Victorians over there, they will need a proper cricket journalist, and who else but Ken. 150,000.

Jrod – I have already applied as chief blogger of the IPL. 900,001.

350 odd

I could give a detailed report of the game where Victoria smoted NSWales.

But really, the game was over the minute Future PM David Hussey (sign the petition) went out to bat.

NSWales lost the toss, and the 5 spinners they had were never going to concern such upstanding citizens as Hussey, Hodge and Quiney.

The good news is that Tasmania will have seen us make 350, Dirty Dirk and Harwood got through the match unscathed and will be better for the runner.

This is most I’ve seen of Darren Pattinson, and he worries me, not as a bowler, as a bowler I like him, but on the way in to the wicket he seems to almost close his eyes, I’m afraid he’ll do himself a mischief.

Now onto Tasmania, to play against the butler and his crew.

Perhaps we will even have a fit crew for once.

made of glass

The biggest story in world cricket has been bypassed by all factions of the media.

An Angel by the name of Sarah has found me and alerted me to this new crisis.

Dirty Dirk Nannes has a stress reaction in his foot.

While I have no idea what a stress reaction is, except for the fact it’s apparently not a stress fracture, he may miss up to 3 weeks with this reaction.

What is going on with Victorian fast bowlers, they are undoubtedly the best looking, fiercest and most talented fast bowlers on earth, and yet all of them are made of glass.

I would back Dirty Dirk to walk through hell and not get injured, but somehow 10 overs against Tassie did the trick.

Come to think of it, when I saw him walking around during the vics innings he was limping.

But I thought, what a warrior, limping after battle like all warriors do.

Never did I think maybe he has a stress reaction, perhaps because at that time I had never heard of the phrase stress reaction.

Victoria go into the state game at the Junction oval with Siddle and Harwood both under injury clouds.

So let’s open a market.

I’ve got Siddle at 4.40 to make it through the match without an injury.

Harwood is 17.20 to remain unhurt. For him is probably unders.

For both of them to remain uninjured for the entire match I give odds of 42 to 1.

Gamble responsibly.

Quiney, bottle blondes and a pompous fast bowler

These are my disjointed notes on the one dayer between vics and blues.

I got to the ground just after the wild man Dirk Nannes (say it out loud now) finished his spell and 3 New South Welshman.

Shane Harwood came up with a new variation on the Tony Greig theory of straight and full in one day games. He decided to keep the straight, but forget about full and just bounces the batsmen with two men out. Slowed Haddin down, next over he went out forcing a ball that wasn’t there.

Brett Lee was sent out as a pinch hitter. Not every intimidating when a batsman walks out with an arm guard though is it. He then made 11 off 14 before Thornley scorched him. Probably all for the best though, because Moises Henriques came out next.

The kid looks nothing like a cricketer. But he sure acts like one. He could be the complete opposite of Shane Watson. He made 11 off 5 balls, and he made them so damn easy you wonder why they even bothered giving Lee an arm guard and sending him out there. His bowling wasn’t brilliant, but it was fresh and certainly more potent than Thornely’s.

Future PM (next election) took a blinder at long on after miss reading the ball and then plucking it one handed. He then ran in from long on and did a weird rock the baby dance.

Being that I am a MCG member, I sit next to the players area. Which means I get to see all the players girls, families and such. It’s good for a couple of reasons, one because you get to see the players off the field. And where there are fit and talented men there are bottle blondes, which are good to look at. Oh and also Bryce McGain’s mum, who seems like a nice lady.

Is it wrong I sometimes hope Klinger goes out? I’m sure he is a nice guy, and he is talented, but he just aint fun to watch.

Nsw definitely think Hussey doesn’t like it short and fast, I spoke to Sime on the way home and he said on the telly they were saying similar. He actually seemed to handle it ok I thought, and it certainly didn’t get him out.

Hussey has the best wrist work of any Australian I’ve ever seen. Nope scratch that, I remember this chick once, she was a magician.

Quiney is an interesting dude to watch bat. He looks like a club cricketer, he seems to over balance a lot, and he plays these weird guiding shots all the time. Then its like a switch is flicked and he just turns it on. He still bats like a club cricketer mind you, at no stage does his technique look perfect, but who cares, and the boy hits a mean ball.

Just as Quiney and Hussey got their funk on, Katich brought on the power play. Not earlier when the small and diminutive Klinger was batting. Twas odd. It lost them the game, as Quiney and Hussey smashed Brett Lee and Stuart Clark everywhere. Not even Lee’s pompous did I tell you I’m the leader of Australia’s attack slow the Vics down.

In the massacre Hussey charged and then backed away as Lee followed him with a bouncer that he sliced away for four. Don’t try it at home kiddies.

Michael Clarke sat in the dug out, with a tracksuit on, even though it was hot, maybe he has the mumps too. This didn’t stop him giving advice to Katich all game. Auditioning for Punters job are we?

As Nsw lost the game I tried to come up with a traffic pun about them being the Speed blitz blues. Then I realised something, the name is funny enough on its own.

Victoria made light work of an attack with Bracken, Lee, Clark and Hauritz in it.

Quiney especially, the man was brutal, I haven’t seen a non Hussey/Elliott/Jones/Hodge guy dominate for Victoria against a good attack like that. He was unbelievable, he really did treat the bowlers like they were club grade and he needed to get home and feed his cat.

Should I get excited?

Memo to MCG, the sightscreen at the city end makes a weird high pitched screeching noise when moved. Is there anything we can do about it, I know it won’t be a problem during internationals, you know the games with the crowd and such.

Special mention to Dirk Nannes (say it) who tried to imitate Quentin Lynch, the west coast eagle forward by charging at a ball so hard he forgot to use his hands and chested it away instead. Nice work Dirk.

goin to new texas

Victoria stroll up to the gabba this week.

I say stroll, because they usually the crawl like wimpy little babies.

But if form and pitch conditions are anything to go by, they should be favourites to take this game out.

No excuses about early season grass tops.

The gabba looked like it was in Hobart last week.

Ok so Harwood is out, but surely by now Victoria are use to going into games with Shane Harwood out through injury.

He plays less cricket than Hansie Cronje after all.

The new texas bulls won’t have their captain, and since he was the only batsmen who looked like he could hold their bat against the warriors, that can’t be a bad thing for the vics.

The vics do have to understand that some things will just happen in this game, Noffke will take at least 6 wickets and will make at least 60 runs, that is because he grows an extra leg (Keith Millers I think) when he plays us.

This is to be expected and Greg Shiperd can formulate some plan to have this extra leg just far enough away from the Victorian butts by day 4, that he can’t kick them with it.

The Vics cannot afford to lose games like this, kick em while their down, steal their lunch money and ask their girlfriend out before they regain consciousness I say.

Out Harwood, In Nannes

Shane Harwood has broken down again.

If he was a horse, someone would have put a screen up around him by now.

Its hard not to like the man, he is tough, fast, and bowls reverse swing.

And didn’t come through the namby pamby representative teams. He played country cricket, until he moved down to town to take his cricket seriously.

I’ve never met a Victorian cricket fan that has bad things to say about him.

They don’t build guys like Harwood very often, offcourse if they build someone like him, perhaps they’d make a model that needed less repairs.

Harwood has always reminded me of a boxer who spent all his time beating up guys in the car park, before someone threw some gloves on him.



The bushrangers seem to breed fast bowlers who are close to 30. I can’t remember the last time a young Victorian bowler came through and played more than a handful of games before disappearing.

The 30 year olds, Lewis and Harwood, especially have been damn good to Victoria. Winning us more games than anyone other than Matthew Elliott in the last ten years.

The latest in this line seems to be Dirk Nannes.

I must admit, before I ever saw him bowl I liked him. It’s the name, Dirk, Nannes, say it with me, DIRK, NANNES.

Best name ever.

Then I saw him bowl, and I liked him even more.

I like left arm quick bowlers, not left arm swing so much, but left arms quicks who bowl aggressively.

Nannes bowls with his heart, you can see it in every delivery.

Nannes is clearly not that best bowler in Victoria, but he does try harder than most, and he is a handful to play on his day.

You can’t imagine him ever not fighting for a wicket.

Harwood out, Nannes in. Warrior for warrior.