the main players today

The Krab Katich – batted like he has all year, took the facebook kid nice byrce to get him out. Was in control for most of the day, but is out now, and cannot hurt us for a day or two.

Phabulous Phil – seems to have lost all touch at the moment. Lucky he had the Krab free flowing at the other end, because he was stuck in a hole, hole, holeee, and it was deep, deep, deeeeep. Siddle eventually ended his innings.

Once in a generation Clarke - looked bubbly, fresh, alive, in control and went out on tea just when his team really needed him. Perhaps he thought he was still playing for Australia where that sort of behaviour is tolerated.

Their brad – was a little flighty early on, but then he took complete control, and although he never looked like taking the game away from victoria he did look like he was gonna make it uglier. Then he went out in the last over of the day.

Brett Lee – spent all day ducking and weaving, getting hit, slashing to the boundary before Dirty dirk bowled a ripper.

Dirty Dirk – was brutal early on, pretty good with the reverse swing, and then looked tired and flat with the second new ball. But still angered one through the crease to end Lee’s day and set up Victoria for tomorrow.

Peter Siddle - is about 20 has had more shoulder operations than a centre half forward, but somehow he just picks up wickets like other people pick up socks. Another 4 today, and I’ve seen him bowl a lot better as well.

The facebook kid Nice Bryce – not his best day, but he dines on Krab tonight.

Angry man Harwood – bowled some good spells, but is still the bet when it reverse swings.

The Big bear – Captained well, no matter what the fox sports team said, and bowled pretty well. Also seemed to have a new cap on.

Our Brad – dropped catches, miss fields, falling over and generally making me laugh.

the final countdown do do do dum dum dum

The Sheffield pura Shield cup final is fast approaching.

Well not fast, its approaching about a day at a time.

I will need to find myself a couch that sits in front of a foxtel TV in order to see any of it.

The thought that Victoria, a proud and beautiful state, could lose to NSWales, a vicious pack of heathens, sickens me.

Victoria, gentleman that they are, have decided to use the players that have been available all year.

NSWales, vile scum that they are, have selected a bunch of ring ins.

I suggest they leave them out, last time I saw Lee And Clark bowl for their state they looked ordinary.

But they have nothing on our Bryce.

There is some contention over whom shall be picked, out of Quiney and Mash.

Even though I think Quiney is the better batsmen, Mash can dig himself into the crease and hold on, where Quiney is more likely to play the flashy innings.

But we have a middle order full of people who can play the flashy innings. Also the few times I have seen Quiney play spinners, it has never been that impressive to me.

With the bowlers according to the dailies the last place is out of Dirty Dirk and Clinton Mckay.

Sure I am biased by the fact Dirty Dirk is involved, but he is the logical choice out of these two.

Clinton has a very good recent record, looks in decent form, and is taking wickets.

Dirty Dirk is an angry growling warrior who would stab you in the eye with a pen to get your wicket.

For a Final I know who’d I prefer.

I’ve looked over NSWales side quickly and I have seen some problems for them.

Their bowlers have not taken a lot of wickets for them this year, and a few of their batsmen haven’t made many runs for them either.

There are some new names in there, Clark, Clarke, Bracken and Lee to name a few, but they only sound impressive if you say them out loud.

I suggest you don’t do that.

Instead I suggest you artificially find some reason to think we can win, like Bryce is a better bloke than Stuey, or Brett Lee will disrupt the team with his constant singing in Hindi.

a dead rubber

The game against Queensland ended in a Victorian victory.

It was not a momentum building win, but Hussey, White and McKay all had good games.

Crosthwaite is back, which now means Victoria ticks my entire Sheffield shield winning boxes.

I have missed X, Wade never really made an impression on me, I felt we

Dirty Dirk came through well, and with Siddle and Harwood to come back we have a wide variety to choose from.

Pattinson will probably be the one to miss out. And then its out of McKay, Siddle and Harwood for the two remaining spots.

Dirty Dirk is the only obvious selection, which says a lot in his first full year in the team.

The Big Bear did make some odd decisions, such as opening the batting with a night watchman.

My thoughts on night watchman are well known but opening with one is njust a new breed of stupidity.

Now we go to Sydney and take on the Australian A eleven.

The good news is the most on form bowler will not be playing, the bad news is Lee, Clark and Bracken are replacing him.

If Hussey makes a double tonne on the first day, or Dirty Dirk takes 8 for, we can probably win.

That seems quite likely.

operation cotton wool

I’m willing to admit that the Victorian selectors know more than I do about who should be selected.

Even Ray Bright.

I am willing to admit that, but I still must say that when one is trying to win a home final and all but ensure a Sheffield pura Shield cup victory, one must take its best bowlers.

According to media scuttlebutt (always wanted to use that word), Dirty Dirk Nannes and Gerard Denton are fit.

Yet, they are not playing Western Australia.

I understand this is some sort of operation cotton wool, keep the boys fit for the final.

But if they final is played in Sydney, reanimating the corpses of Ponsford & Miller may not help against a test strength NSWales.

In Melbourne I think we can win, even against Lee, Clarke, Clark, Jacques and Bracken.

In Sydney, not so much.

Today’s fast bowling line up is still pretty strong, Harwood, the Mule Wise and Lucky McKay.

It’s not a bad line up, but Dirty Dirk and Denton stroll into that line up, and Dirty Dirk likes the Waca.

Just a little odd is all.

Oh and I don’t really think the selectors are cleverer than me.

It takes a Victorian to beat Victoria

Cricket is a cruel mistress.

And not in the cool whipping you kind of way.

She all but takes you to the edge of the promise land, and then Travis the turtle Birt (former Victorian no hoper) gets an edge for 3.

I feel hollow inside, if Natalie Portman were in front of me right now, naked with a bottle of Canadian club, I couldn’t muster up the energy to have a drink, let alone avail myself of her nakedness.

Do you understand the depth of my sorrow.

Losing a game of cricket happens.

Losing a final against Tasmania happens (occasionally).

Losing a final against Tasmania when they are 9 wickets down and Byrce McGain is spinning a web of destruction at the other end does not just fu©ken happen.

Victoria decided on not batting in this game, David Hussey (sign the petition) aside.

Hussey is made of a scientific polymer substance that is resistant to heat, cold and Victorian collapses.

How the Vics got Tasmania 9 wickets down for 130 runs is insane, and it took a Victorian, Birt, to win it from there.

Tassie have a great bowling line up. Hilfenhaus, Drew and Geeves are all what Tony Greig would call broad shouldered men, who bowl above 140 clicks. Xavier Doherty, is a weird dude, but he can definitely bowl, and has the best stutter ball in world cricket.

The Vics just had one of those days, they batted when the wicket was playing up, they picked a probot (klinger) ahead of a batsmen (blizzard), they lost 12 overs though massive stupidity, the rain inhibited Bryce and tassie got the best of the rain delays.

At least they put up a hell of a fight.

McGain and Dirty Dirk at the end were outstanding.

Dirty Dirk Nannes (say it) is the hulk with a beard, a man so powerful a thousand tranquillisers couldn’t bring him down.

Mcgain is like a wonderful wizard, I think he should have a long white beard.

But even these great men couldn’t turn the game far enough.

Realistically this is only a one dayer, but still it hurts, oh does it hurt.

If I don’t take a bunch of sleeping tablets and sexually strangle myself I may talk about the last few overs and that man Bryce tomorrow.

Victoria takes on the IPL

According to economists the market is the true indicator of life itself.

I think most economists are massive wankers, but since this theory suits my theory I am willing to use it.

According to the IPL auction David Hussey and Cameron White are worth more than Michael Hussey and Ricky Ponting.

Don’t give me any of that that’s because they might not be available for the whole tournament, cause neither will Brett Lee, and he still got a big bag of cash.

So the Market forces have spoken, Future PM comes in for his Brother King Probot, and Cam comes in as skipper ahead of Michael Clarke.

Simon Katich should continue to be ignored.

Ok perhaps this is a bit extreme, except the Krab Katrich bit.

But it does show the Victoria do have cricketers (and coaches) who are in demand, not in Australia, but internationally.

Even the ICL gave Ian Harvey a new mansion.

Offcourse not all Victorians were given cash, Brad Hodge was overlooked altogether.

Bradley will be picked up soon, because Loots Bosman and Ramesh Powar are playing but what about other Victorians.

Dirty Dirk Nannes – best 2020 domestic bowler, plus would be a great bollywood villain, starting price 800,00. But will need time off for snow boarding.

Andrew McDonald – Capable with either instrument, one of the most talented all rounders in the world. Also great marketing opportunity for McDonalds in India. 650,000.

Aiden Blizzard – ADD afflicted opening batsmen that has hit balls out of the Waca and radelaide oval. Headlines are easy to write. 575,000.

Bryce McGain – Blue Rinse leg spinner of unmeasurable talent. Probably the greatest leg spinner of all time, wait I’ll check, yup, best I can remember. IT specialist as well, they will come in handy in India. 525,000.

Adam Crosthwaite – improvising batsmen, and talented keeper. If not selected for his playing ability should get the nod for his commentary. 450,000.

Shane Harwood - if the IPL turns into the wrestling showcase it wants to be, who better than Harwood as the fast bowler who hates everyone, assuming he stays fit. 425,000.

Ken Piesse – with this many Victorians over there, they will need a proper cricket journalist, and who else but Ken. 150,000.

Jrod – I have already applied as chief blogger of the IPL. 900,001.

350 odd

I could give a detailed report of the game where Victoria smoted NSWales.

But really, the game was over the minute Future PM David Hussey (sign the petition) went out to bat.

NSWales lost the toss, and the 5 spinners they had were never going to concern such upstanding citizens as Hussey, Hodge and Quiney.

The good news is that Tasmania will have seen us make 350, Dirty Dirk and Harwood got through the match unscathed and will be better for the runner.

This is most I’ve seen of Darren Pattinson, and he worries me, not as a bowler, as a bowler I like him, but on the way in to the wicket he seems to almost close his eyes, I’m afraid he’ll do himself a mischief.

Now onto Tasmania, to play against the butler and his crew.

Perhaps we will even have a fit crew for once.

No royal commission required

Memo to all fans of Victorian Cricket

There is no conspiracy

There is no selectoral bias

There is no grassy noll theory.

And the CIA has nothing to do with this.

Victoria does not have a player in the Australian team, because at this time there is no spot for a Victorian in the Australian team.

Test wise, only two Victorians are currently in the form to play for Australia, the other three are not quite there.

Future PM David Hussey is in breathtaking form at the moment. But the King Probot Hussey, Pup and Roy are all making runs. Generally selectors don’t drop guys making runs, I have stated my thoughts on Michael Clarke being dropped, but we all know they aren’t going to drop him on my recommendation.

CWB’s Nice Bryce McGain is the other player playing at the level of test match standard. He has two hurdles to over come, one is old agedness and two his lack of a first class record. Is he a better bowler than Brad Hogg, king oath, but he is not at Staurt MacGill’s level either.

Brad Hodge has not had a good year (except for the runs he made against a new texas eleven with 2 fit bowlers counts) and would now be behind Hussey, Katich and Pomersbach in the selectors mind. Plus do we really need more Brads in the side.

Peter Siddle is in good form, but he has only played 3 matches and Doug Bollinger had taken 2 ten wicket hauls this year at roughly the same average.

Had Andrew McDonald replicated last years form he would be very close to selection by now, but he hasn’t due to injury and therefore is down the list. Noffke is in superstar form and would be ahead of him at the moment anyway. Plus he does have red hair.

One day wise we were unlucky not to have a player in the side.

David Hussey is unlucky again, but the only batsman, I repeat batsman picked ahead of him is Brad Haddin, who on his last tour with Australia smashed the Indians everywhere. It is hard to drop a guy who performed so well the last time he played. Domestically Hussey has had the better year, but only marginally. Every other batsman deserves his spot ahead of Hussey at this stage.

Brad Hodge, well he had his chance in India, and he batted horribly. The selectors have picked the player in Haddin who made the runs there. He now finds himself on the list behind Hussey and perhaps even Voges, but Pontings love for the man means he could leap frog them if there is a spot available, especially if it is a top order spot.

McDonald hasn’t been in sensational one day form, but you know who has, Noffke and Hopes. And they were selected because of that fact. Case closed.

Dirty Dirk Nannes & Bryce McGain were the two best 2020 bowlers in the big bash, both are over 30 and one is injured.

If Nannes was fit I would have hoped he would have got a call up for the 2020 game ahead of Hilfenhaus, but he isn’t and there fore not in the side.

This isn’t all bad news, because this is the first Victorian team we have had in quite some time that has had multiple players with a shot of making the main team.

I didn’t even mention Cameron White or Aiden Blizzard, one who has played and one who in the future could be a chance.

But let us not be whiney little babies, as this means we have a full strength state team to pick from for the rest of the year.

And by then someone in the Australian middle order will be injured and Hussey will be there.

made of glass

The biggest story in world cricket has been bypassed by all factions of the media.

An Angel by the name of Sarah has found me and alerted me to this new crisis.

Dirty Dirk Nannes has a stress reaction in his foot.

While I have no idea what a stress reaction is, except for the fact it’s apparently not a stress fracture, he may miss up to 3 weeks with this reaction.

What is going on with Victorian fast bowlers, they are undoubtedly the best looking, fiercest and most talented fast bowlers on earth, and yet all of them are made of glass.

I would back Dirty Dirk to walk through hell and not get injured, but somehow 10 overs against Tassie did the trick.

Come to think of it, when I saw him walking around during the vics innings he was limping.

But I thought, what a warrior, limping after battle like all warriors do.

Never did I think maybe he has a stress reaction, perhaps because at that time I had never heard of the phrase stress reaction.

Victoria go into the state game at the Junction oval with Siddle and Harwood both under injury clouds.

So let’s open a market.

I’ve got Siddle at 4.40 to make it through the match without an injury.

Harwood is 17.20 to remain unhurt. For him is probably unders.

For both of them to remain uninjured for the entire match I give odds of 42 to 1.

Gamble responsibly.

rain and bricks defeat vics

I had a long report written form the G today.

I sat there all day, watching the Vics in total control, and then, some careless batting and one really good spell and the Vics lose.

The careless batting was from White and Hussey, maybe careless isn’t the word, they let the game drift, the run rate was only 6 and a half an over, but then Hilfenhaus bowled a top spell that completely dried the runs up.

I say dried the runs up, cause it happened as the rain fell, all of a sudden White and Hussey realised they were a long way behind the par score and started attacking the Tigers.

For 2 overs it was great, they both got some big hits away, and even though I knew it couldn’t last, either by wickets or rain delays it was pretty cool.

Then Hilfenhaus got both of them in one over, and the par score was gone and so were the Vics.

Best of the batsmen was Quiney, it was a shame he got out when he did, because before then he seemed to be scoring at a run a ball without a problem.

Best of the bowling was Siddle, was lively, troubled all the Tassie batsmen and out balled Nannes who is in top form.

McGain took 3 for, not bad for a pensioner, but I have seen him bowl a lot better.

There was a lot more to report, but Hilfenhaus has sapped all of the Victorian spirit out of me.

the wild beast man dirty dirk nannes (player profile)

Just before we start, I need you to say Dirty Dirk Nannes out loud.

Good, we can proceed.

There doesn’t seem too much information on Dirty Dirk Nannes on the internet.

But when has that stopped me from talking about someone.

Dirty Dirk is another fast bowler who has been picked from real life rather than cricket academies and representative sides.

My belief is that he was actually a Bushranger back in the 1870’s and somehow got himself frozen Encino man style before Rodney Hogg and Ken Piesse found him and thawed him out.

Ofcourse that may be just cause of the beard.

Not enough sportsmen wear beards these days, perhaps because Dean Jones will say inappropriate comments about them, Dirks is a very good one, even though he shaves it off all to regularly.

I have seen most of Australia’s best domestic batsmen look in trouble against him this year. When he is on song he is powerful bowler who pushes you into the position he wants you to be in.

Dirks bowling is quick, he is living proof that the speed gun has little to do with actual speed when your standing at the other end. Mind you I have seen him push the gun to 148.

He is intimidating, physically he is a big man, and also cause he looks like an angry wild man who wants to tear you apart.

Sitting at the ground you can hear him grunt, scream, and yell in frustration, and I’m sure I saw a young NSWelsh batsmen make sure he was always on the other side of the pitch to Dirk whilst running between wickets.

His line and length seem to be at your arm pit. Saying he hits the deck hard is like saying Sonny Liston punched hard, its not an apt description, he hits the deck like a sledge hammer operated by an ice addict.

Right at the moment I think he is the best 2020 domestic quick in Australia, and his one day and four day form is not too far behind.

Now that we’ve told you all the good stuff, lets mention the things that make him even more interesting.

He falls over, alot. It seems to be once an over, but it may be more. It's not even a good fall, its more a weird break dancing move.

His batting is well pure number 11. I’ve only seen him bat a few times, but he may be my favourite number 11 in Australia at the moment. To put it simply, so far with the vics he has shown very little, and I like that in a number 11.

His fielding is probably worse. Cameron white decicded to put him in the circle for one of 2020 games, which was clearly done to lift the spirits of the guys through humour.

My favourite fielding memory of him was at the G when he stormed out after a skied ball, he ran so hard and fast to get to the ball that when he got there he chested it 35 meters away.

That was one of those moments you never forget.

Even though he comes across as a red meat eating fast bowler who would literally try and beat you to death with your own arms, he may just be a pretty cluey business man as well.

You can Visit Dirty Dirks business Global Snow tours (he must be a demons supporter) when you are planning your next white powder experience, I just made that sound like cocaine didn’t I.

Just don’t get between him and a white capped peak, as the wild beast man might come out in him.

two hands one bounce

Congratulations boys, 2020 may be a masturbatory form of cricket, but 3 on the trot is a great effort regardless, even in tiddlywinks, maybe especially so.

The game started with Adam Voges sending the Vics in, which seemed odd, cause the Vics love to suffocate in the field when they have runs on the board.

The runs went on the board at a frenetic pace as Blizzard hit balls into the stand and onto practice wickets in a powerful display.

Pocket rocket seems to be an apt description, but it still sounds kind of camp.

Hodge, while not as blunt as Blizzard, was seeing them pretty well and put a few away as well.

Was a pretty good start to a 2020 game.

Then the Vics did what they have done in all forms of cricket this season, they lost a wicket and that lead to three being lost.

Hodge, White and then Blizzard all went out, and Hussey and McDonald led the résistance.

Hussey played himself in for about 12 balls then went Postal and started trying to smash a bunch of them to the fence.

After he got 38 runs worth to or over the fence he holed out on the boundary, and Victoria’s house collapsed again.

McDonald went out to such a soft shot he probably wished no one was watching, and then Quiney continued his bad form in this competition by going out to a screamer on the boundary.

That always happen when you’re desperate for the runs. Quiney may not have middle it, but if he hit it a good inch higher it would have been a 6. But if your mum had testicles you’d hit her with a shovel.

From there Crosthwaite, Harwood and Hastings slogged like champs and somehow the Vics ended up over 200.

I thought Hastings was particularly good. His nick name is the duke, and I hope that’s cause of John Wayne, conservitivism and racism aside, it’s a great nick name, and he did look like a gun slinger out there, perhaps more like Lee Van Cleef though.

Even with 200 on the board the warriors looked like they might be able to chase it down.

Dirty Dirk brushed Ronchi’s gloves with the first nut and Crosthwaite appeared to catch it, Ronchi took his word and left the field. According to the commentary on the replay (that were set up for widescreen tvs, there fore on Simes TV was of no fu©king use to me), AB and the whole Western Australian crowd were positive the ball had bounced.

Crosthwaite continued the long line of brutally dishonest Victorian keepers in claiming the catch two hands one bounce. Slug Jordan and Chuck Berry will go to sleep content men tonight.

The crowd booed X everytime he got the ball from there on in, and being that he is the keeper, their dedication was outstanding.

From that position the warriors collapse to 5 for 50odd, and the game looked beyond them.

But Theo Dopopoulouusssu, I could look it up I spose, Doropolous, came out and just started smashing the Vics and telling Crosthwaite just what he thought of him.

Which by the look of the conversation was not overly positive.

He put the vics on the back foot, and together with the one batsmen to survive the carnage Shaun Marsh they set about bringing the warriors back into the game.

They put on 90 odd and just when you thought that maybe the vics might lose, Hussey comes on and gets a caught and bowled and from there Dirty Dirk Nannes just cleaned up the tail like a cyclone.

Shaun Marsh and Aidan Blizzard both look like very good prospects, and it always looks good making runs on the big stage.

Future Pm David Hussey was the star of the show with 38 runs, 2 wickets and 1 run out. He also sold 12 pies, commentated better than Jamie Cox, saved a kitten from a tree and cured Cancer. Twas a big game indeed.

Was great to see the Vics win without Bryce McGain doing too well, but he still got the all important wicket of Luke Pomersbach.

Now if they can just win the one day comp and shield final i'll say they had a good season, that’s not too much to ask, is it?

India, Baby, India. Or Waca, Baby, Waca.

The Vics are going to India.

My first question is, will they take Kumar Sarna for promotional purposes?

Actually my first question is, how good would CWB”S McGain and Dirty Dirk Nannes be in a bollywood film?

Hero and Villain respectively.

Sorry I’m off point.

Victoria narrowly avoided disaster by defeating South Australia with 5 runs up their sleeve tonight.

The Vics got off to a good start, before someone poked the bear (Tait), and he ran through the top order like someone running through something.

We were 4 for 26, but Future Pm David Hussey made another 50, he collects them like I used to collect free McDonalds cups. Every time he leaves the house.

Lucky cause as per normal, no one else did.

Victoria stuttered and spluttered their way to 9/140odd.

And then Daniel Harris slogged Harwood around like an extra in a kung fu film. Right up until the 6th over it looked like they would cruise to victory.

I know that sounds weird, 6th over and all. But in all seriousness,that’s like 13 overs in oneday cricket or a session or so in real cricket.

Then Our Nice Bryce McGain came on.

He swung the game around, like tait had earlier.

He finished with figures of 2/11 off four

Does he even understand he’s playing in a 2020 game? At his age things start to get muddled.

He slowed the redbacks down and got rid of tubs Cosgrove and suddenly the game was back on.

NSWelsh import Christian, dragged the redbacks back into the game with some big hitting and hard running, whilst the wickets fell around him.

They ended up needing 14 off the last over, which was made easier by a six off Dirty Dirks first ball.

In the last over it was him and Dan Cullen with 9 wickets down.

His next one went for two, and Christian got a bit hungry off the third and tried for another six but instead picked out the Future Pm and Victoria are in the final baby.

I can’t believe I’m getting excited over 2020.

Off to Perth, and then India here we come, in November.

dirty dirk & our bryce

The Bushrangers are keeping their one day hopes alive.

Quiney, the NSWelsh destroyer weeks ago, took a more subdued approach but still scored 70odd.

Hussey, McDonald and Blizzard all chipped in with 40 odds.

Since I didn’t see the game I’ll defer to my old man who said, “this Hastings looked good, had 20 odd in no time”.

Dirty Dirk Nannes continued his good form with 3/28 and Cricket With Balls Own Bryce McGain took 3/32.

The three wickets came at a very good time for Bryce, Siddle & Dirty Dirk didn’t allow him to take many wickets last week, in the first dig he didn’t even get a bowl.

The race for boxing say is still on, and at this stage we are still occasionally fully committed to our Bryce playing in the first test.

Bring on the Indians I say, Dirty Dirk is waiting.

vics vs nsw day three (tea)

Updates, Hugh Trumble café and gift shop both air conditioned, and its appreciated.

In the gift shop the state stops are a 110 bucks a pop. What a disgrace. Australian tops are a 100. The state tops must be made better.

This session is the Bryce McGain show, he is the only bowler who look likes getting a wicket. And I’m not just saying nice things about him because he is old and he may die soon.

He dropped Forrest off his own bowling. But Forrest was so confused by the incident he thought the only gentlemanly thing to do was to run himself out.

Then he pegged Katich down, before getting him out for his first real failure of the year.

He dried up the runs and probed like an alien, while nameless faceless fast bowlers toiled at the other end.

Perhaps Hodge is more imaginative than I thought (I doubt it). With Dirty Dick bowling to Thornely, he had a short leg, leg gully and short mid wicket. All this while Dirty Dick bowled into Thornely’s arm pit.

Dirty Dirk gets so angry when anyone scores off him, its quite amusing.

Someone needs to check the water supply to the Nsw changeroom, it may have lithium in it. They have lost 3 wickets (one to a run out) and they are batting like they want a draw not a win. Quite odd.

The pitch is still a small pr1ck to bat on, but its not as bad as it was on the first two days. You can play your shots on it, not that NSW have tried that radical tactic.

Oh Greg Mail is still in, he has blazed to 95 not out.

vics vs nsw day three (lunch)

Well I’m at the g, and its about to be lunch.

The game is as boring as sh1t, Mail and Hughes looked in complete control all morning, and batted like they were on xanax.

Hodge is not a spectacularly gifted captain. I think some of the fielders actually fell asleep at one stage.

All of the quicks bowled well, but none of them actually looked like getting a wicket. Not even Dirty Dirk Nannes.

Finally the ball was given to Bryce McGain, when I say given, it seemed that he was bowled due to rotation system and not part of some brilliant plan from Hodge.

McGain responded by starting with 2 full tosses, and the lady sitting in front of me, had her head in her hands.

From there McGain bowled pretty damn well, and dragged Victoria back into the match. Slowly.

Eventually he got Hughes out. At the other end Quiney was bowling his slow medium pacers. I’m telling you now people, the Mcg is the place for slow medium bowling. It even works from the other end.

Lunch. Pie, chips, coke.

Oh and the crowd isn’t too bad today.

Moses found this for radio coverage of the game, haven't tried it, and its from a nsweslhamn, so it may not work. http://www.abctechnologies.com.au/cricket.asx

vics vs nsw day one

Dirk “say it out loud” Nannes and Gerard Denton completely destroyed New South Wales today.

Unfortunately for them they couldn’t beat the West Australian Katich, the man who bats like a crab.

This year must have a new shell (boom). He's made a kazillion runs, at an average that would make Hussey uncomfortable. He outscored his team mates by 30 runs. That’s a pretty good effort.

All day the Vics were only a Katich away from taking over. This didn’t happen until Dirty Dirk Nannes came on with the new ball.

Denton and he shared 4 wickets apiece.

You get the feeling that 250 may not be a terrible score in the scheme of things. Katich, other than a brief period against McGain, was mostly kept quiet, which means the deck must have had something in it.

Hodge sent the blues in, whether it was a strategic decision or he did a dravid/ganguly/tendulkar and was protecting his average we don’t know.

Wednesday’s destroyer Quiney lost his wicket on stumps to the oldest young dude on the planet Doug Bollinger.

If this wicket does have a bit of spice in it, then the majority of the runs will have to come from Hodge and Hussey.

Quiney, bottle blondes and a pompous fast bowler

These are my disjointed notes on the one dayer between vics and blues.

I got to the ground just after the wild man Dirk Nannes (say it out loud now) finished his spell and 3 New South Welshman.

Shane Harwood came up with a new variation on the Tony Greig theory of straight and full in one day games. He decided to keep the straight, but forget about full and just bounces the batsmen with two men out. Slowed Haddin down, next over he went out forcing a ball that wasn’t there.

Brett Lee was sent out as a pinch hitter. Not every intimidating when a batsman walks out with an arm guard though is it. He then made 11 off 14 before Thornley scorched him. Probably all for the best though, because Moises Henriques came out next.

The kid looks nothing like a cricketer. But he sure acts like one. He could be the complete opposite of Shane Watson. He made 11 off 5 balls, and he made them so damn easy you wonder why they even bothered giving Lee an arm guard and sending him out there. His bowling wasn’t brilliant, but it was fresh and certainly more potent than Thornely’s.

Future PM (next election) took a blinder at long on after miss reading the ball and then plucking it one handed. He then ran in from long on and did a weird rock the baby dance.

Being that I am a MCG member, I sit next to the players area. Which means I get to see all the players girls, families and such. It’s good for a couple of reasons, one because you get to see the players off the field. And where there are fit and talented men there are bottle blondes, which are good to look at. Oh and also Bryce McGain’s mum, who seems like a nice lady.

Is it wrong I sometimes hope Klinger goes out? I’m sure he is a nice guy, and he is talented, but he just aint fun to watch.

Nsw definitely think Hussey doesn’t like it short and fast, I spoke to Sime on the way home and he said on the telly they were saying similar. He actually seemed to handle it ok I thought, and it certainly didn’t get him out.

Hussey has the best wrist work of any Australian I’ve ever seen. Nope scratch that, I remember this chick once, she was a magician.

Quiney is an interesting dude to watch bat. He looks like a club cricketer, he seems to over balance a lot, and he plays these weird guiding shots all the time. Then its like a switch is flicked and he just turns it on. He still bats like a club cricketer mind you, at no stage does his technique look perfect, but who cares, and the boy hits a mean ball.

Just as Quiney and Hussey got their funk on, Katich brought on the power play. Not earlier when the small and diminutive Klinger was batting. Twas odd. It lost them the game, as Quiney and Hussey smashed Brett Lee and Stuart Clark everywhere. Not even Lee’s pompous did I tell you I’m the leader of Australia’s attack slow the Vics down.

In the massacre Hussey charged and then backed away as Lee followed him with a bouncer that he sliced away for four. Don’t try it at home kiddies.

Michael Clarke sat in the dug out, with a tracksuit on, even though it was hot, maybe he has the mumps too. This didn’t stop him giving advice to Katich all game. Auditioning for Punters job are we?

As Nsw lost the game I tried to come up with a traffic pun about them being the Speed blitz blues. Then I realised something, the name is funny enough on its own.

Victoria made light work of an attack with Bracken, Lee, Clark and Hauritz in it.

Quiney especially, the man was brutal, I haven’t seen a non Hussey/Elliott/Jones/Hodge guy dominate for Victoria against a good attack like that. He was unbelievable, he really did treat the bowlers like they were club grade and he needed to get home and feed his cat.

Should I get excited?

Memo to MCG, the sightscreen at the city end makes a weird high pitched screeching noise when moved. Is there anything we can do about it, I know it won’t be a problem during internationals, you know the games with the crowd and such.

Special mention to Dirk Nannes (say it) who tried to imitate Quentin Lynch, the west coast eagle forward by charging at a ball so hard he forgot to use his hands and chested it away instead. Nice work Dirk.

Out Harwood, In Nannes

Shane Harwood has broken down again.

If he was a horse, someone would have put a screen up around him by now.

Its hard not to like the man, he is tough, fast, and bowls reverse swing.

And didn’t come through the namby pamby representative teams. He played country cricket, until he moved down to town to take his cricket seriously.

I’ve never met a Victorian cricket fan that has bad things to say about him.

They don’t build guys like Harwood very often, offcourse if they build someone like him, perhaps they’d make a model that needed less repairs.

Harwood has always reminded me of a boxer who spent all his time beating up guys in the car park, before someone threw some gloves on him.



The bushrangers seem to breed fast bowlers who are close to 30. I can’t remember the last time a young Victorian bowler came through and played more than a handful of games before disappearing.

The 30 year olds, Lewis and Harwood, especially have been damn good to Victoria. Winning us more games than anyone other than Matthew Elliott in the last ten years.

The latest in this line seems to be Dirk Nannes.

I must admit, before I ever saw him bowl I liked him. It’s the name, Dirk, Nannes, say it with me, DIRK, NANNES.

Best name ever.

Then I saw him bowl, and I liked him even more.

I like left arm quick bowlers, not left arm swing so much, but left arms quicks who bowl aggressively.

Nannes bowls with his heart, you can see it in every delivery.

Nannes is clearly not that best bowler in Victoria, but he does try harder than most, and he is a handful to play on his day.

You can’t imagine him ever not fighting for a wicket.

Harwood out, Nannes in. Warrior for warrior.