single gunman theory

While the rest of you Victorians are whining into your VB over the fact David Hussey is still not a real Australian player, I have found a real conspiracy theory.

Ashley Animatrix Noffke has been flicked away from the national side so he can destroy Victoria’s hopes of hosting the One day final.

Noffke’s performances against all comers this year has been of Spiderman quality, when he plays against Victoria, he becomes Batman.

He is obviously some sort of hired assassin sent by corrupt NSWelsh & Queensland administracrats to send Victoria back to the dark age.

Perhaps this is how he became so good, when before he was shocking. Some sort of new drug aimed at making you a demon allrounder when before you were a bum medium pacer.

Maybe they gave him a shot of Keith Miller blood in some sort of hooded ritual.

Just so they could beat the vics, those bastards.

The decision to drop him is odd in a cricket sense, as Stuart Clark is not a one day bowler, and Ashley Noffke is an allrounder of at least the same one day bowling potential.

So it is obviously a decision made to hurt Victorians.

Following this game the Vics play New south Wales, if Clark is dropped by then and plays against the Vics I will start a revolution.

Don’t think I wont.

the slaughterhouse

This Bushranger tour of the Gabba has been a blood bath. (no pun intended)

First Dick Pound kidnapping Ashely Noffke just as his transformation to superhero was complete.

Then Greg Shipperd breaking Andy Bichel’s hand with a Victorian vice like grip.

Now Lee “where has he been” Carseldine decides to strike back at the vics by breaking our Cameron Whites foot.

It’s really not safe to be an allrounder at the gabba these days, Watson, Noffke, Bichel and White all succumbing to injuries.

While all this was happening the vics fell apart, the all to common site of Hussey, Hodge or White saving them did not occur and the rest did not step up.

John Hastings whose name rings no bells for me at all, made a good debut with the ball taking 3 for 50.

Shall be interesting to see how the vics travel without white at the helm…

bushrangers conquer gabba with my help

Thanks to Dick Pound, Greg Shipperd and my blogging genius Victorian have produced the most unlikely result since Julia Roberts allowed Lyle Lovett into her life.

You can forgive the new texas bulls for being a down after losing Noffke, Bichel and Broad from bowling duties.

But getting bowled out for 70 odd is nasty and usually you can’t blame injuries on your bowlers for it.

Losing Noffke for the bulls at the moment is akin to losing Hitler 4 weeks into the war, things will go on, but they won’t be the same.

I think it’s a good thing for the Queenslanders that they can blame this loss on their injuries, because we know that the Bushrangers were gonna come back and win this one regardless.

Nofke and Bichel run away scared

Apparently my blog holds more weight than I thought.

Ashley Noffke has disappeared, the word on the street was that Aliens had abducted him, then I was sent via telegram this afternoon.

“I, Dick Pound, having stared at Ashley Noffkes jar of wee for 12 hours, and having watched the past and present tapes of Mr Noffke, can come to no other conclusion that Mr Noffke is a Drug cheat, and as such he is in a underground bunker in Monaco being interrogated by rabid monkeys”

So that explains why he wasn’t out there.

All this confused Greg Shipperd, who after reading my blog knew that he needed to get rid of Noffke, but since Dick had him, Greg decided to take Andy Bichel out instead.

These brave men have made it slightly easier for the bushrangers to make one hell of a come back.

The main man of the Brad pack, Hodge, went on a rampage against the newly toothless new texas side and scooped up a double ton. While that was happening Nick (sot) Jewell decided on a big hundred of his own. While the rest of the vic batsmen played cards.

Could victoria really win this game?

whats he been sniffing

Drug testers need to get up to New Texas as soon as possible.

Ashley Noffke needs to be piss tested.

There is no way he can really be that good.

He cannot take 6 for and then make 80 odd, that’s f*cken superhuman.

This is the same guy that use to bowl pies for a living.

Suddenly he is Keith Miller or something, its disturbing.

Someone on this blog did suggest that all victoria needed to do was slow Noffke down and we could win this game.

Perhaps Shipherd doesn’t read this blog, which isn’t good enough.

Do the Victorians want to win, because if they did, they would listen to me, and therefore not be 200 runs behind after the first innings.

Victoria you need to start listening to your bloggers, we have your best intentions at heart.

Your future depends on it.

goin to new texas

Victoria stroll up to the gabba this week.

I say stroll, because they usually the crawl like wimpy little babies.

But if form and pitch conditions are anything to go by, they should be favourites to take this game out.

No excuses about early season grass tops.

The gabba looked like it was in Hobart last week.

Ok so Harwood is out, but surely by now Victoria are use to going into games with Shane Harwood out through injury.

He plays less cricket than Hansie Cronje after all.

The new texas bulls won’t have their captain, and since he was the only batsmen who looked like he could hold their bat against the warriors, that can’t be a bad thing for the vics.

The vics do have to understand that some things will just happen in this game, Noffke will take at least 6 wickets and will make at least 60 runs, that is because he grows an extra leg (Keith Millers I think) when he plays us.

This is to be expected and Greg Shiperd can formulate some plan to have this extra leg just far enough away from the Victorian butts by day 4, that he can’t kick them with it.

The Vics cannot afford to lose games like this, kick em while their down, steal their lunch money and ask their girlfriend out before they regain consciousness I say.